Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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