I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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