You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
