Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
