Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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