i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
