I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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