im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
