then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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