He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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