The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize