I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
