A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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