i already hear my dad disowning me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
