Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
