My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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