So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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