She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
