There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
