...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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