so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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