i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need to calm my uterus...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
