did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
