Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
