The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
