OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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