dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I FOUND THE LEGS
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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