Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
