so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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