Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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