What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
