So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
