Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
