Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
