So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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