so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
