Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
