I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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