i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
