am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
