She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
