I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize