I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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