operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
