I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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