I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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