from now on my penis is your penis
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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