if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize