i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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