Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
