Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
