Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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