She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
