I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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