At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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