only you would photoshop your dick
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
