the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm always down for nudity.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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