i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize