So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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