you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What a dumb baby whore.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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