I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
