Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
