we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
