Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize