i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Michael Bay diarrhea
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
