He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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