I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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