Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
