Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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