does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
