I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
