Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
