Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
