somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize