I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
