a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize