The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
