we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
