i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
