i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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