What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
