I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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